Day 50--Where were you?

If you ask me what I did last Tuesday, I would have to look at my calendar (and maybe my bank account.) I can't remember.  However, if you ask me what I was doing ten years ago, on Tuesday September 11, 2001.  I can remember BETTER than it was yesterday.

Everyone has a story.  So, here is mine.

Mike and I were living in a little apartment in Lawton, Oklahoma.  Mike was attending Officer Basic Course at Ft. Sill.  He had left early that morning because they were doing a field exercise.  I was 38 weeks pregnant with Adam.  I was still in bed a little before 8am when I got a call from one of the girls whose husband was in Mike's class.

She said, "Robin, a plane just flew into the World Trade Center."

I was still waking up and I didn't understand.  "What?" as I sat up in bed trying to process what that meant.

"Go turn on the news."  I climbed out of bed and turned the TV on.  We both sat in silence watching the news.  After a few minutes we watched breathlessly as they showed the second plane fly into the second tower.  Panic and worry washed over me.  I told my friend, "I have to go.  Call me if you hear from your husband.  I have to call my mom."

Then the Pentagon was attacked.

I wasn't able to talk to Mike until later that afternoon.  He rushed into our apartment and hugged me so tight.  We both wept.  We sat on the couch all evening watching the news, hoping for any new information and praying for the victims and survivors and families.  I was overwhelmed watching the NYFD and NYPD and the soldiers at the Pentagon.  True heroes.

Mike and I knew that OUR lives would never be the same.

Tonight, I thank the many men and women; soldiers, law enforcement, firefighters and the many un-named civilians who keep me and my family safe on a daily basis.

Francis Scott Key said it best in the 4th verse of The Star Spangled Banner.

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation.
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust;”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!


Deployment survival tip #8--Feel free to cry during The Star Spangled Banner.  You are lucky enough to know one of those freemen who stand between their loved homes and the war's desolation.

July 13, 2004

November 8, 2008

Day 32--Yahoo or Boo-hoo

First Days of School

Adam and Amanda's first day of school was yesterday.  Even though we have been practicing getting up, getting ready,  for the last 2 weeks, we were still running behind.  We weren't late, but you know, we weren't ahead of the schedule either.

At Amanda's school, the kindergartners are dropped off and picked up in the Cafeteria.  This was a great opportunity to get one last picture with Amanda.  She was such a big girl.  When her teacher gathered the class, Amanda walked down the hall like she owned the place.  Amanda also decided that she wanted to be enrolled in the Dual Language program.  That means for the first half of the day she is with a teacher who ONLY speaks SPANISH.  Then the second half of the day, she is with an ENGLISH only teacher.  So far, she says she likes it.

This would be the place where I post a really cute picture of Adam and me.  I could sense his embarrassment and anxiety once we got to school, so we just gave each other a nod and he headed for the 5th grade hallway.  As he walked away, he yelled, "THREE" over his shoulder and held up 3 fingers.  Amanda, Marie and I all yelled back, "FOUR!"  I can't believe he is in the 5th Grade.

Today was Marie's first day of school.  Can you see that smile?  She didn't even look back after I dropped her off in her class room.  When I asked her what she did today, she closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. I asked, "Did you take a nap at school?"  She energetically nodded her head and said, "Yeah, nap."  I asked her, "Did you color?" She nodded.  "Did you play with dolls?"  Nod again.  "Did you play with friends?"  Nod again.  Just to mix it up, I asked her she fed any lions.  She started to nod and then paused.  She looked confused as she shook her head.  Glad to know she is listening.


Yahoo or Boo-hoo Brunch

Over the last month I have attended two great parties.  First, a "Boo-hoo Brunch" hosted by my friend Sharon Bright a few days after our husbands left.   It was so nice to hang out with cool ladies.  The other plus, my sisters were in-town so I got to introduce my cool Army friend to my awesome sisters and my cool Army friends to my awesome sisters.  Then a few weeks later, I attended a "Back To School" themed coffee at Betsy Harris'.  So much fun!

As I was driving home that night after the coffee, I started thinking about my kids starting school.  I remembered that last year a bunch of ladies from church met at IHOP for breakfast.  Sounds fun, right.  In theory, it is great.  But in reality, it was really crowded, the food took FOREVER, the pre-schoolers and toddlers were bored and misbehaving.  So, I started thinking about hosting a party at my house.  I checked around to make sure no one was planning an IHOP trip.  No one was, so I started planning.

I jokingly mentioned to my sister Jacqui, that she should host a "Yahoo or Boo-hoo Brunch" with me.  See, we both live in Texas.  In most states, that means you are a few hours apart, but not in Texas.  We live 10 hours apart.  But the idea of hosting a brunch at the same time caught on and soon we were sending drafts of invitations and talking about decorations.  But, then, the way it usually does with sisters, it turned into a competition.  Check out Jacqui's party on her blog, here.

We both used the idea of Pencil vase.  I used a soup can as the base.  I put a rubber band around the can and stuck pencils around it until the can was covered.  Then I tied some raffia.  Note to self: trim the raffia.  

Next, I needed something to give the table height.  Ah Ha!  I finally found a use for those college books I have been hauling around for years.  Thank you Riverside Shakespeare and DiYanni Anthology of Literature.   They made great lifts for the casserole dishes.   I dusted off some of my other favorite hardbound books and used them, too, in the centerpiece.

I also pulled out my cake plates and glass serving dishes.  As a side note, a veteran Army wife once told me, "If you are going to get serving pieces, I always choose glass.  It is usually inexpensive, goes with everything and works for every season."  Besides, everything looks better on a cake plate.

Originally, I wanted to do most of the cooking for the brunch.  But as ladies started RSVPing, and started asking what they could bring, I suddenly realized I didn't have much cooking left to do.  Thanks to all of the friends who made, bought and brought all of the delicious food.  

I did make a Hash brown Casserole, because I was craving it a few days ago and if I made it for just my little family I would have eaten the WHOLE pan.  Best to share it with friends.  Let me know if you want the recipe.

Here is a picture of the table spread as people started to arrive.  Thanks, Shaela for being in the picture.   I am thankful for many things, but one thing that is near the top--good friends.  I love having my home filled with friends.  It makes me happy to hear their voices and laughter.  I also love being able to introduce the different groups in my life to each other--school, church, Army, neighbor.  Because I think that each woman is amazing and I am thankful for her friendship.

Deployment tip # 7 - It doesn't matter if you are Yahoo-ing or Boo Hoo-ing.  Friends make it that much better.

Day 23-Sundays and Trash days

My friend Michelle said once that the day that she missed her husband the most was on Trash day.  I guess, technically it was the night before trash day when she was wrestling heavy, stinky cans to the curb.  She would tell herself, "One more trash day down."

I don't mind trash day so much.  I have a 10 year old and that has become one of his assignments.  Besides, El Paso has curbside recycling.  Neither 90 gallon can is ever too heavy.  Stinky, yes.   I can't help that because the trash just cooks in the El Paso heat.  YUCK, but like I said, I have a 10 year old and that is his job.

My least favorite day is Sunday.  The dread and depression set in Saturday night after the kids are all bathed and in bed.

Ahhh, here we go again.

During the course of the weekday, as a busy mom, I don't really have a chance to miss Mike.  School, scouts, lessons, cooking, cleaning and running errands--I barely have time to go to the bathroom, let alone dwell on the fact that I am alone.  I can almost fool myself into thinking that Mike is "just at work."

Going to church seems to underline the fact that I am alone.  Now, I know that when I am at church, I am far from alone.  I am surrounded by loving, supportive people who would do ANYTHING to help.  Watching other geographically "whole" families, however, is just too much.

Because I have a toddler, I spend a lot of time out in the hall during church.  A few Sundays ago, I had to take Marie out.  While I was gone, Adam and Amanda started annoying each other and getting loud.  Bless the sweet grandma, Myrna, who quietly moved up a pew and sat in between Adam and Amanda.

Today, started out pretty rough.  I ended up yelling at the kids and by the time we were loaded in the car ALL of the children had lost ALL T.V. privileges for the next decade.  I was so frustrated and angry by the time we got to church, I didn't even want to go in.  I didn't want to see all the families with Daddies sitting together. I didn't want to wrestle Marie through the service.  I didn't want to.

But I did, because I believe that when it comes to Spiritual things, when you don't want to do it, that is when you need it the most.

It ended up being one of the best Sundays I have had in a long time.  Through the events of the day, the classes that were taught and the comments that were made, I was humbled.  I felt God's love and His awareness of me and my challenges.  Tonight, as I write this, I am especially glad that I went to church today.

Deployment survival tip #6--Go to church.  Even if you don't feel like it.

Day 17-To my friend Julie

HA!  I have a story for you!  Mike's second deployment, but first to Iraq, resources were scarce.  There weren't phones or Internet set up for the soldiers.  It is hard to imagine, isn't it?  The Battalion Commander got a satellite phone and he let all of the soldiers use it.  So that everyone could use it, the divided up the time--each soldier got 3 minutes.  Yeah, you read that right, 3 minutes once a week.

Mike's day to call was Sunday.  He shuffled and traded time with friends and other soldiers, so he could call after I got home from church.  Coming home from church, I totally vented to my mom.  I had had the worst day EVER.  I vented so much that I think my mom thought I had Tourette's Syndrome.  I had a world class "hissy fit."  Well, apparently, that outburst didn't help me get it out of my system.

When I finally got Mike's call, he was so sweet.  He asked me how I was doing.  HA, well, you guessed it, I told him how I was doing.  Now I had two people thinking I had Tourette's.  I ranted, I raved, I yelled, I cried.  I was basically NUTS.  I paused for a second to catch my breath and my sweet, adorable husband said, "Babe, my time is up.  I love you so much.  I will talk to you next week."  The phone went dead and I spent the next few hours bawling my eyes out.  I didn't even tell him that I loved him.  I didn't even ask him how he was doing.  What if something horrible happened to him and the last things I said to him were ugly, awful comments.

I promised myself a few things that day.  

First, I vowed I was NEVER going to do that again.   What if that had been the last thing I said to him?  How would I have felt if he had done that to me?

Second, I decided that I would really try to vent to other people and use my phone time to connect with him.

Third, for my own sanity, I had to accept that not all phone calls were going to be perfect.  That is life.

I have also realized a few other things about phone calls.  But I will save those for other posts.

Julie, in the meantime, cut yourself some slack.  You are doing awesome.  

Day 16--Remember

I am proud to be an Army Wife.  I am proud that my kids put their hand over their heart when the National Anthemn is played.  Adam and Amanda both know all of the words for the first verse and they sing it loud.  I love America.   Amid all of this American Pride, sometimes I forget that Mike's job can be dangerous.  Okay, I don't forget.  I conviently choose not to acknowledge.  I try to focus on the positive stuff.  Yeah, maybe I am in denial.  But that is were I have to live, so I can continue with a normal life and be stable for my kids.

I don't usually watch the news while Mike is deployed.  That is a topic for another post.  But today I have been reading the news, my heart has been heavy thinking about the friends and family members of the 30 Soldiers who were killed on Saturday in Afghanistan.

Day 9 & 10-Where did they go?

Deployment Survival Tip #5- Plan something

Nothing helps the time pass like being able to look forward to something.  For me, this has been getting ready for my 3 sisters and their kids to come visit.  I had high hopes of having gift baskets made for each cousin and sister, but I got swamped sorting girl clothes.  There was a method to my madness, I swap clothes with 2 of my sisters.  When Amanda outgrows an item, I set it aside to pass along.  Then when their girls outgrow the said item, they pass it back to me for Marie.  I wanted to be ready to pass along more clothes and get an idea about what I need to get for school clothes.

Everyone will be here by 10 am Tuesday.  Are you sitting down.  That means by 10 am Tuesday, we will have 12, yes 12 kids and 4 adults.  I hope the kids don't decide to have a mutany.

Then our next adventure includes haircuts.  I MUST take before and AFTER pictures and a trip to White Sands.

In case I forget to mention it, thanks for making the trip.

Day 8-Sleep

I have re-written this post about 5 times.  I need to go to bed, but I know I still have a MILLION things to do.

Deployment Tip #4--Go to sleep

I am off to take my own advice, just as soon as I: start the dishwasher, tuck the kids in, brush my teeth, tidy the living room, fold some laundry and lock all the doors.

Of course I just heard thunder, so maybe I will say up for a few more minutes.

Day 7-Positive

So, I actually went to the right party on the right day.

Thanks Steph, for a great party.  My kids had a great time.  I had a great time.  I think EVERYONE had a great time.

Deployment Survival Tip #3  Surround yourself with positive ladies.  They will help you feel better when you aren't feeling so great and you can return the favor when they aren't feeling so great.

Day 6-Farewell Again and Again

I spent the day volunteering at 2 farewell ceremonies.  I was there to help, but I couldn't help choking up as I watched my friends say good-bye to their husbands. For many of them this is their first deployment.   Waves of memories filled my brain.  I know they will come out better and stronger at the end, but in the mean time, it just sucks.

What surprised me the most about today was how drained I was at the end, which is why when a friend suggested a party, I was ALL OVER THAT.  I asked if she had invited a few other mutual friends and she didn't have their contact info, I offered to invite them for her.

Around 6pm,  I showed up at her house with bean dip in hand and 3 kids in tow.  I was so excited to hang out with friends.  The hostess opened the door and looked slightly confused.  "The party is tomorrow."  Somehow in my excitement I had missed the part of the text that said "tomorrow."  Yeah, I felt pretty silly.  Adam, my almost 10 year old pointed that out, "I bet you feel pretty embarrassed, don't you, mom?"  (We had a quick etiquette lesson about not making people feel bad when they already do.)

But the evening wasn't lost.  Said hostess was on her way out the door to go to Smash Burger on post for dinner.  Thursday is free kids meal day.  She invited all of us.  Since I had invited and mis-informed 2 other friends, too, it was the perfect number of adults to get a free kids meal for each of my kids.

After dinner I let the kids play in the dancing fountains across the street.  They loved it.  I think we all needed a break.

So, deployment survival tip #2  Good friends are the key to sanity during the deployment.  Oh, that and ice cream, but that is another post.


Thanks to my friends that hung out with me this evening--even though I am a complete air-head.

Day 5-Rain

It rained today in El Paso.  I usually LOVE the rain.  Most places I have lived, they are equipped to handle the rain.  They have things like gutters on houses and curbs that actually hold water.  Since it rarely rains in El Paso,  nobody has gutters on their house and the water just runs down the street like a river.  ANYWAY, last time it rained, our roof leaked.  Of course that happened 4 days before Mike left.   I am very, VERY happy to report that the repairs that we did seemed to do the trick and that there was no leak!  Yahoo!!

My main focus tonight was all of the standing water around my house.  The rain started out pretty slow and I doubted if it was really even going to amount to anything.  It has been so hot that the droplets seemed to sizzle as they hit the ground.  But then, there was a flash of lightening immediately followed by deafening earth-shaking clap of thunder.  I looked up and I could see the rain drops coming.

I wish I had pictures to show you.  Let me paint you a picture, just so you can imagine it.  Imagine me fully dressed.  But not my usual clothes.  We had just gotten home from Cub Scouts.  So, there I was in my Den Leader Uniform, khaki shirt with patches, brown pants and tennis shoes.  Now imagine what I would look like if I just jumped into a pool.  Now imagine me trying to sweep gallons of water, UP a slight slope, away from my house and toward the street.  Yeah, I was the crazy lady.  Then it started to hail.

Last year, we were able to use a few garden hoses and syphon the water out, too.  Again, I know I looked like a crazy lady, out there in the pouring rain trying to get the syphon to work.  I couldn't.
Stupid Army deployment.  Mike got it to work last time.  After saying a quick prayer asking for help or for the rain to stop or whatever, I thought I would try our Shop Vac.  After all, it is a WET/ DRY vac.  NO, I wasn't going to try to vacuum up all of the water--that really would have been crazy.  I thought I might be able to use it to get the syphon started.  After I checked and re-checked that I wouldn't electrocute myself, I plugged in the vacuum and carried it over to the end of the green garden hose.  I stuffed the garden hose inside of the big black vacuum hose and turned it on.  Within a few seconds the vacuum started to "cough".  I pulled the garden hose out and water came gushing out!  Success!!!

I am glad it is dark outside, so my neighbors can't see the multiple garden hoses that are stretched from my backyard, across the front yard to the curb.  I am still trying to decide if I am going to roll up the hoses tomorrow or if I am going to leave them out for a few days until I am sure the rain has stopped.

Day 4 - Unknown Name Unknown Number

Do you remember what life was like before caller ID?  If the phone rang, you answered it.  Well, usually you answered it.  Something in my brain says that when I was growning-up, we didn't answer the phone during dinner, but, then again, we probably did.  All of us kids usually raced to the phone, hopeful it was for us.  We didn't have an answering machine, so any missed call was actually a LOST call.  What if was an emergency, or a friend or...

Nowadays, I use caller-ID often.   Being the mom of three kids, there is RARELY a good time to answer a call.  One of my kids is usually on the brink of spontaneously combusting or I am in the middle of changing a diaper, or I know that just as soon as I pick up the phone a little one (or big one) will find me to tattle on the other or ask for some forbidden food.   I get plenty of "Unknown Name, Unknown Number" calls.  Usually, it is from United Blood Services, calling to let me know that I am eligible to donate, AGAIN.  No, thank yoooooouu, I would prefer not to faint in front of complete strangers.  My kids also know that we don't answer "Unknown Name, Unknown Number" calls.  I have them so well trained that most days, they don't even hear the phone when it rings.  In the past, if I were busy or unable to answer the phone, I would let it go to voice mail or I would check Caller-ID and return the call when it was convenient.

Today, during dinner, the phone rang.  From my place at the dinner table I turned around to look at the display on the phone base.  It said, "Name not found."  "Odd?"  I thought, "I have never seen that before", so I checked the number.  It read "10081111153"  My mind scrolled through the mini Rolodex in my mind.  "1008? I don't know anyone with that pre-fix."  My mind kept scrolling through the Rolodex, "1008, 1008, 1008--That is an international number, maybe?"  Now by this time we are on ring 3 and a half.  The call will soon be sucked into the black hole of voice mail.  Remember when you could pick up the phone mid-message if you had an answering machine?  Forget it, if it goes to voice mail. "1008?  Yeah, that would be an inter...."  I couldn't make my fingers work quick enough.  Of course it was an international call!?!  I am so dense sometimes!

I pushed the green button on my phone and said a breathless, "Hello?"

Silence.

"Hello?"

More silence.

I closed my eyes and said a little prayer.  "Hello?"... please, please, please I whispered  

"Robin?" My heart melted and jumped all at the same time at the sound of Mike's voice.  I smiled.

"Hey, Baby!  How are you?"  With that, the kids exploded in chorus, "DADDY, I want to talk to Daddy!"

So, here I am, back to the days of answering every "Unknown Name, Unknown Number" call.

Day 3-Laundry

It is amazing how normal things can bring such a wave of emotion.  This morning, as I was getting dressed, I noticed that I needed to do some laundry.

I started a load of whites.  You know the drill, throw them in the washer on your way out to run errands.  Put them in the dryer when you come back from said errand.  We were school supply shopping, but I digress.   Dryer timer dings while I am getting lunch ready for the kids and me.  Then I un-load warm, clean laundry into a basket and place the basket on my bed.

Sometime later this afternoon, I had a few minutes to fold the laundry.  Everything was just fine until I pulled one of my husband's undershirts out of the basket.  I started to fold it and then I stopped.  The thought occurred to me, "It will be a while before you fold any more of his laundry."  I held his shirt, half folded to my face and smelled it.  I smiled as I smelled the clean white shirt with a hint of bleach.  I decided I didn't have time to cry.  But honestly, I didn't want to.  I finished folding the batch of clothes and put them away.  I smiled again as I opened Mike's dresser and placed the clean clothes inside.  They will be ready for when he comes home.

Day 2

Day 2 happened to be Sunday.  Sundays and Deployments are another post and I promise I will write about that later.

But I want to focus on Day 2.  At church, I got comments and hugs from so many friends.  So many well meaning friends who looked at me sadly and said, "How are you doing?" with a concerned frown.  I smiled and said, "It is Day 2.  If I were falling apart today, I don't think it would be good for the next year.  Talk to me on Day 45." Which is usually when reality hits me upside the head and I fall apart.

This is the thing. And don't get me wrong.  

I miss my husband so much that sometimes it is hard to breathe and if I dwell on the thought too long, yes, I do break down into tears overwhelmed thinking about the next 363 day.  363 waking up and getting the kids ready and out the door, 363 dinners, 363 days of emptying the dishwasher (Yes, my husband will unload the dishwasher),  363 nights of getting my kids into bed by myself, 363 nights of procrastinating going to bed because I don't want to fall asleep alone, 363 whatevers.  BUT I can't dwell and I can't break down.  I have 3 little people depending on me, so I have to save the self pity moments for when I am alone.

I am so thankful for a friend who invited us over for dinner tonight.  Actually, it was the son of a friend.  In our church, male members of the congregation are asked and assigned to watch over certain families in the congregation.  Tommy, almost 16 years old, is the young man assigned for our family.   I am thankful for the example Tommy sets for my kids, especially my son, about how to help and serve those people around you.

Marie and Amanda's favorite part of the evening was getting to play with the bunny.  Nice to have such a cute and fuzzy distraction.

I don't know if can catch it in the video, but Marie calls the rabbit a "Hopp-it"  So cute!

Day 1

Do you ever wonder what an Army Wife does while her husband is deployed? I don't mean the crazy Army Wife who spends all of her husband's salary on Precious Moments figurines? (Yes, I did know a wife who did that) No, I am talking about what a REAL Army Wife does. I decided to catalog the days.

Sure there is a whole bunch of stuff that EVERY wife and mother does, but I thought I would highlight a few.

Here are a few pictures from yesterday.

Am I disturbed that my husband has an M-4 slung over his shoulder while our kids are around. No, not at all.

This being my 5th deployment, I have learned a few things.

1. Busy kids are happy kids.

After we said goodbye and Mike headed for the bus, we headed to Carl's Jr with an air conditioned play place and some good friends. The kids ran around like crazy and I got an Oreo Milkshake and chatted with my good friend.

Day 1 has been great. Of course it should be. If day 1 is AWFUL most Army wives would have left a long time ago.

Here are a few photos from today.

I took the opportunity to organize something. It is amazing how organizing just one little corner of your life helps you feel more "in-control" I choose my broom closet. I had picked up the shelves at Target. I intended to use them for my sewing stuff (That is another post.) But I opened my broom closet and I couldn't take it any more!! I pulled everything out, swept it. I remembered that I had the shelves and sure enough, they fit. I wasn't sure because of the sloped ceiling. It was a fun project and Adam helped me assemble the shelves. Note to self: Remember to take before pictures, so you can be REALLY impressed.

We also went to the neighbors pool with friends. The kids burned off a whole bunch of energy. So much that Amanda feel asleep on the way to return the Redbox movie at 7pm.